Philthy's Diversions

Quick answer: no, not at all. Long answer: Why the fuck would I care? We’re told we shouldn’t be overweight, shouldn’t eat nachos, shouldn’t shouldn’t shouldn’t. Let’s break it down. Can I beat you in basketball, rugby, soccer, football, etc? Yes, most likely I can. Can I protect my family and friends from meathead douches? Yes, most likely I can. Can I still surf large waves and hike large mountains? Yes. Then what’s the fucking point? I love nachos, beer, philly cheesesteaks, cheese, vodka, California burritos, steak and twice baked potatoes. I’m going to do what I want and carry around this monkey for a while. Yes I have a child on my back at all times. I like that child. 

That fat child represents every single fun choice I’ve made in the past ten years. Every delicious beverage, every flavor explosion habanero cheesy blast, every sit-on-my-ass-and-watch-Battlestar-Gallactica-instead-of-jog moment. Also, imagine me being ripped. I’d become an issue, a threat, a visual representation of what I don’t want to be. Outside appearance is so vain, so fleeting, so aggressive. I want to be nice, approachable, huggable, and non-threatening and the best way to achieve that is smile and be chubby. 

So fuck off, I like my curves.

That’s just sad. Best marketing ever to convince anyone to drink it, let alone think they’re cool for drinking bottled Dutch urine.

I’m going to have to throw out my shart shorts. I was watching the Daily Show, drinking a veggie/fruit smoothie, minding my own business when BOOM! That mighty sneeze just helped me get a really great start to the day. Don’t worry myself and the immediate surroundings are heavily scrubbed, Lysoled, and yet still don’t feel clean.